May 30th 2022
It’s amazing how quickly doubt can creep into your mind. As you approach the finish line and you see how things can line up—the potential for the perfect execution of everything you planed for. But then there’s something else. A hesitation. A pause. A moment of panic where you wonder if things are crumbling around you. If they’ve already started to crumble, but perhaps you’re too enamored with your own vision to see it happening.
This is where I feel like I am now. We’re at the end of May, and we can potentially be ready to show Collypto to investors at the end of June. I briefly spoke to Richard last night about the possibility of him getting me in touch with Bob Parsons. He didn’t know much about the project, so I filled him in a bit. He wouldn't give me an email address for Mr. Parsons, but I can’t have expected him to. There was just something about the exchange with him that left me feeling a bit uneasy. What I felt from him is that it is a long shot. He seemed to underscore the notion that I am taking a big risk and if it doesn’t work out, I have put myself in a vulnerable position. While this isn’t news to me, there was something unsettling about someone else pointing it out. Then I was listening to the GoC show today (Friday’s episode) and they were talking about how Tether is still in the game because they’ve got the right people on their side to survive. This gave me another one of those quick flashes of fear. Will unfair business tactics and politics trip us up. Will they come after us and try to sink us because they currently have more money, more cloud, and more political power. That ever-persistent doubt started creeping in again.
Lord, I so desperately want for us to be successful with Collypto. I want us to be incredibly successful. I could see. I could see us getting the right launch partner(s), and it shooting to the stratosphere right away. I can see it exceeding our own expectations as we solidify a top spot in the crypto market. I can see the headlines about how the new Collypto “Flatcoin” shakes the foundation of the benefit that stablecoins provide. I can see Matthew and I securing a life of financial freedom that allows us to pursue the desires of our hearts. Basically, Lord, I can see everything that I’ve ever dreamed of from a material standpoint almost right at my front door. The kind of wealth that will help us to live and give like no one else. The kind of wealth that helps me to invest in people and situations from a perspective that isn’t driven by scarcity. And then here I am, wondering if I’ve been deluding myself this whole time. Can we do this, Lord? Can we make this a success? Can we change the market and change our lives? I so desperately want to, Lord.
I want Carlisa to be able to stay home from work to take care of Alaysia. I want working outside of the home to be optional for her from here on out. I want to never again have to choose between attending an event for the children or needing to work. I want to be able to vacation based on the experiences that we want to have, rather than on how much money we have to spend or how much time I can get off of work. I want to never have to apply for a job again. I want to put out feelers for initial investors and immediately get responses in the affirmative. I want to be able to collateralized the index fully and quickly, and perhaps even secure a $5M loan from one of the investors to cover operating costs. I want this to work Lord and to be able to feel silly about all of the times that I’ve doubted it.
I don't really know what I expect in the way of a response right now, Lord. I just felt like laying down what was on my heart. I would love for a sign or confirmation that we’re on the right track and we’re going to win. But more importantly, Father, I ask you for your peace. You said to cast all of our cares on you because you care for us. I pray for peace, wisdom, and sound decision-making. Help me to know what decisions to make, and when to make them. Help me not to worry because I have the confidence in knowing that I am following your plan. Please bless the work of my hand and the work of my mind. Help me not to doubt myself or succumb to the fear that I am not “enough”. I am enough because I am your masterpiece. You have created me to thrive in the space that I am in and you’ve given me everything that I need to be successful. I pray for your hand of favor and grace in my efforts, and in my success, may you allow me to shine for you. May I always have a willing heart. I pray for eyes that see, ears that hear, and a heart that does not forsake those who are hurting around me. May we actually be in a position to help those who may be struggling. May my life be an encouragement to others. May I be a light that points others towards you. I thank you for allowing me to have a circle of influence that allows your light to reach in areas where it doesn’t usually reach. May it be for you glory and not my own. I thank you for hearing my prayers tonight, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Also, Lord. I thank you for allowing John and Amara to have a healthy baby girl last night.